Baby Love
Kyle almost 18 years ago
“A baby?” I gaped at the nurse in blue scrubs and slid into the chair, almost missing the edge of the seat. My stomach flip-flopped into my throat. I swallowed hard, fighting against the physical push to vomit.
The last week of bowing over the ceramic toilet seat hadn’t been the flu after all.
Pregnant? Pregnant? Pregnant? The word spun on repeat, distorting the more times I said it in my head.
I stared at the sign on the wall imploring me to Choose Life. Of course I would choose life—and relinquish mine in the process. Not a choice I would have made had someone asked.
A baby confused the decisions I struggled to make—decisions like staying married to a husband I wasn’t so sure I loved and starting graduate school in the fall. I’d already deferred a year. Would they let me back in if I took off more time?
Running away suddenly became a viable option, but dissolved as fast as it appeared. How did I run from my own body?
Read MorePaying the Price
I stood in line at the local courthouse—speeding ticket, driver’s license, and proof of insurance in hand.
On this particular Friday afternoon, the desk was short by one clerk and the line was long by ten people. Most likely, that was on purpose and waiting in line was part of the punishment for breaking the law.
While I waited, I sifted through possible explanations I could use to avoid parting with $162. I missed the posted speed? I was in a hurry to get home to my kids? I was distracted? Tired? Anxious? Out of state company was due to arrive in an hour? The 30 MPH speed limit on Park Road was lame? All of these things were true, but they were also flimsy excuses.
I gave up and turned to the lady next to me—who had on a cute pair of pink sandals. I flashed her a smile. “I like your shoes.”
Read MoreL is for Life
L is for Life
I can plan. Plod along. Produce.
But life happens.
And sometimes it doesn’t happen they way I’ve imagined in my head. Does it shake me? Yes. Does it frustrate me? Definitely. Does it depress me? Sometimes.
Can I change what life has delivered? Not always. But I can decide how I react. I have control over what I do with my anger, frustration, sadness. I have control over how I treat other people and the decisions I make.
Read MoreGrief
One of the definitions of grief on Wikipedia is this—the reaction to loss.
What I’m discovering this week in the wake of my friend’s death is that everyone grieves uniquely. And that’s ok. Grief manifests through many different emotions, quirky needs, and bizarre memories and thoughts.
How I work through loss is just as personal as how I work through my faith.
I can find freedom in that realization. But I find strength in knowing one thing doesn’t change—how much God loves me and cares that I am in the midst of devastation.
“Be merciful to me, LORD,
for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief” (Psalm 31:9 NIV).
Read MoreFunerals, Flowers, Friends, and Good Friday—
I am jumping back in to the A to Z blog challenge with a very appropriate letter of the day—the letter F.
My friend Mark’s funeral happened yesterday. Ironically, we are celebrating his life and death at the same time Jesus was taken into custody, tortured, and sentenced to crucifixion.
The Bible says on the day Jesus died, “From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land” (Matthew 27:45 NIV).
In the midst of the darkness over losing Mark, sat flowers and friends and faith. Today, Good Friday is the set-up to hope.
Without desolation and loss, hope cannot shine. My hope comes in knowing that Mark is in a better place—the best place—and that one day I will join him there. My hope comes in knowing that God remains in control even in the darkest hour. My hope comes in knowing that He has a plan and He will carry it out.
“Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him”
(Psalm 62:5 NIV).
Bowing out for the Beginning…
I am bowing out for the beginning of the A to Z challenge.
We lost a very good friend last night and I’m reeling.
Many of you are prayer warriors
and I’m begging for your prayers for my friend
Mary and her three children.
Pray for guidance, peace, and people to step up to meet all of their needs.
Thank you…
Lori
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